Posts Tagged ‘Dating’

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Although I really hate being single
The fear of rejection controls me
I get lost in the thoughts of what if . . .

What if he doesn’t like me?
What if I am not pretty enough?
What if I am not his type?
What if I am not good enough?

I start feeling like I have to pretend to be what I am not.

Pretending to like his likes.
Pretending I look the way I look right now every day.
Pretending we have chemistry.
Pretending I deserve to be with him.

And so,
I cancel our date
There is no need to pretend.

Self-Rejection, keeps me single again.

© Paige Turner

Photo: ©2008-2015 yamilletot

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He suggested I wear more vibrant colors
He doesn’t like seeing me in dark colors
He suggested I wear Mascara
He thought my eyes would be prettier
He suggested I wear high heels and a dress
He wants to see me be more womanly
He suggested I wear lipstick
He wants to kiss my pretty lips
He suggested I send him nude pictures
He wants to see my naked body
He suggested I call him more
He wants to hear my voice
He suggested I listen more
He thinks I don’t hear him
He suggested I be his woman
He must be crazy . . .
He suggests I become someone else.

© Paige Turner

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Regret fastens to me like a child needing their mother
Over and over I do not understand the decisions I make
I listen to the words “we are adults making grown up choices”
But in that moment, I abandon all sound decisions

Your touch feeds my hungry soul
I can’t help but to let go . . .

Surrendering to become intimately yours
Every part of my body I allow you to explore
I get lost in the world of seduction
For a moment loving you as if there would be more . . .

My sexual frustrations gone out the door
Hunger pains released with an explosion inside
The feelings I feel, I cannot hide
Just for a moment you loved the ride

Back to reality moments later
Realization that he doesn’t love me
All he did was fuck me
Allowing me to escape my prison once more . . .

Regret consumes me, and I shut the door.

© Paige Turner

Photo Credit: © 2012-2015 bittersweetvenom

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I couldn’t help but being attracted to his picture
My lips forming a smile as I glanced through his photos
He was hot!
His caramel skin, pretty brown eyes and sexy goatee turned me on
I moved my mouse over to the send message link
And found myself typing a message to the screen name “The1andOnlyMr.GoodStuff”

“Hello, Mr. GoodStuff I caught vision of you while browsing profiles, and yes . . . you are indeed made of the “GoodStuff!” You have the most beautiful brown eyes I have ever seen. I would love to see them up close and personal. Care to meet me for drinks tonight at Sapphire Lounge? Sincerely, GreenQQs”

I took a deep breath, and clicked send.
People are funny online,
Some respond,
Some don’t!
So now . . . I just wait and see.

Four hours go by . . .
And finally I get a notification that I have a message from The1andOnlyMr.GoodStuff
Excitedly, I am quick to go online and read his reply

“Hey, GreenQQs you’re not so bad yourself. Sure I would love to hook up with you tonight. I will come thru around 9 pm. Wear your best lil black dress, I want to see your feet and legs. Kisses”

OMG! He wants to see me
I am feeling ecstatic that such a sexy man wants to meet me
And I have never had a man request me to wear something specific just for him.

I couldn’t wait to get off work and scout thru my closet to find the perfect little black dress
Tonight, I want to look my best.

I arrive home at 7 pm
Rush straight to my closet and start flipping through my wardrobe
I have three black dresses to choose from
The first one is a long gown which doesn’t show my legs, so that’s a no
The second looks like business attire, so I think I will pass
The Black satin low-cut mini dress it is.

I put my mini dress on and admire the way my breasts are bulging out the top
My ass looks divinely round and juicy like you want to grab it
I slip on my high heels and place a strand of black pearls around my neck
I style my hair to have the sexy wild look
I walk up to my full length mirror for a peak at my appearance
And can’t help but to smile at myself and think “You look sexy”
I spray myself with my favorite perfume White Diamonds and head to the club

I arrived early, so I pulled up a seat at the bar and ordered a Lemon Drop Martini
I positioned myself so I could see him when he walks through the front doors
Feeling a little nervous I was quick to knock back my drink and order another
And just as the bartender served me, I thought I caught glimpse of him walking in
Quickly I reapplied my lip gloss and ruffled my sexy wild hair
And with a nervous feeling in my stomach I watch him walk toward me

“Well Hello GreenQQs” he says as he approaches me
I coyly flash him a smile, trying to look sexy and say “Hi, Mr. GoodStuff”
He sits down in the empty barstool next to me his hand rests on my knee
“I see you started without me” he says as he motions the bartender to bring him what I’m having

Suddenly his hand reaches up and wisps my hair from my eyes
His beautiful brown eyes were staring at me with such aww
It made me a little nervous and I looked away
He said “let’s go get a booth beautiful” and asked the bartender to send a waitress over

I got up and walked toward an open booth
I could feel his eyes sizing me up from behind
I slid into the booth, and he next to me
He sat so close to me I could feel his breath on my neck
Mmm, I was melting inside, I couldn’t believe I was with such a sexy man

The waitress was quick to come over and take our order
He said ‘I want this pretty lady to always have a full drink in her hand’
The waitress said “You got it, what’s you poison Mam?”
I didn’t want to mix alcohols so I said the Martinis are good

We made small talk, but mostly we drank
We had no concept of time or people around us
His hands traveled along my legs and I was feeling tingly all over
His lips softly caressed my neck and made me weak
His hands making way to my panties.
We were clearly intoxicated
And needed a private location

That was the last thing I remembered that night
I woke up the next day alone in my bed
I rolled over and no one was beside me
But my body felt every inch of the sexual encounter I had

Regret consumes me
I never even got his name
I just made love to the screen name
“The1andOnlyMr.GoodStuff”

And I never heard from him again . . . Profile Deleted.

© Paige Turner